Being a Home Maker.

The tough job as far as I know is being a home maker.  I never thought I will be a full time home maker.  I assumed and was hopeful my mom will be there with me all through my life to take of my kids and home.  Hence I can happily pursue my career.  But God had different plans.  God loved my parents more than me and took them with Him soon.  So I ended up as a home maker.

I do love to see the kids grow up and do new things every day.  The problem comes when they mess up and don't do what I expect to do.  Ofcourse they are too small to understand my needs.  It has been ages since I had food without any disturbance.  My little one wud pour something out or would poo or pee only when I start eating.  I stopped eating when she is awake.

Another biggest is keeping the house neat and tidy.  If I know someone is going to visit my home, it takes me atleast a day to clean up and make it presentable.  I used to keep things at right place daily after Kaarthik goes to school.  But as soon as he is back, the things are back to the floor.  Got tired of the routine and stopped keeping his things in place.

Next comes cooking, I don't know how my mom managed my expectations.   Today Kaarthik comes up with new request every day.  Cook books and internet helps me a lot to fulfil his requests.  If the taste is not good Vaishnavai spits out.  Both have different tastes.  Some days I end up making atleast 4 recipes for a meal one for each. 

After a day's long work, I look back and mostly feel nothing major is accomplished.  There is some void and I try to take my hobby.  I learnt fabric painting and stitching after I left my career.  I am yet to finish my first saree painting.  When my garden blooms with flowers I feel happy.  When I use the tomatoes, chillies, mint, curry leaves and coriander leaves from my pots for cooking I feel satisfied.   

On top of every thing planning the finances.  Whether you earn in thousands or lacs, unless the finance is planned and spent you will never now where the money goes.  Like every housewife, I fight hard to save money which my husband gives for household expenses.  I will be on cloud nine, if I am able to buy something with that savings.

Having said all this, working women do more than what a home maker does.  I salute all the working women.  They toil hard at office and back home too.  They do all the things which a home maker does and above all tries to make sure that the kids don't miss them for love and affection.

Old Age

Have you ever moved closely with elderly people?  People who are 90 +.  My grandmother is reaching 90, but she is with my uncles and aunts and her needs get fulfilled as soon as possible.  Here I am going to chart out the life of couple who are living independently in a remote village.  The couple I am going to talk about is Mr. Raju and Mrs. Kamala.  Grand father is 92 and Grand mother is nearing 90.

Their routine is little mind blowing.  They get up before the sun rise daily.  Cook breakfast for the morning.  Idli and sambhar.  She does try new varieties too now and then.  Afternoon rice, sambhar and rasam with poriyal.  Grinds rice for idli.  Not a day passes without snacks in the evening.  All the snacks which our generation will avoid as fatty food,  is energetic for them.  They don't have diabetes or blood pressure to worry about. 

The dedication of grand mother towards her husband is amazing.  After a long days work, grand mother gives massage to grand father's legs and hands.  Whenever she gets any sweets or snacks from neighbours she always keeps a portion for grand father.  She washes his clothes. 

When grand mother was bed ridden with hip bone fracture, grand father did everything to her.

Today I ask Viswanath to do baby sitting on the week ends so that I can rest a bit and do my part of shopping.  He helps me out in most of the household chores.  But till today grand mother never questions him and does all the work all alone.   She does that not as a duty but as a service and never gets angry if the work is more.

But life is a cycle, as people get older, they become like kids.  When I met them a year before they remembered almost every thing about my family.  Starting from my last cousin till my grand mother they enquired.  ( I have 6 uncles and 6 aunts and more than 10 cousins.  Even my husband sometimes gets confused with their names.)  Even today grand mother remembers every thing. But grand father started forgetting things. 

They have a son and three daughters with whom they can live with.  But they insist to be alone.  Grandfather forgets to pay electricity bill and ends up paying hefty fine.  He forgets where he kept the keys to lock the house.  He forgets where he has to go.  We picked him up for my Brother In Law's engagement, he mistook it to my husband's engagement. 

As in my old post, their tolerance is at highest level.  When my son spilled the water and wetted grandma's drawing room, I got angry and upset.  She quietly cleaned it up saying 'Kids are like God.  You should not scold them'

At this age, won't it be wise for them to be with their son or daughters.  But they argue that they cannot leave a place where they lived for 90 years.  Practically their son and daughters find it difficult to assist them in day to day life.  Most of times one's own life take higher priority and I could see the old age is neglected.  When they are in need, they are not helped.  With most of us moving out of our home town, home country to earn our living, this will be the same case for our parents and in laws right?  Parents who live only for their kids all along their life, are neglected at their old age.  Shouldn't we do something for them?  Won't it be wise to live with them in their old age. 

Atleast in grand parents case, both of them help each other.  I wish they should both die together.  With the kind of love and affection they are sharing, they should not live without each other.

Tolerance

Many sayings are there about Forgetting and Forgiving.  To err is Human, To Forgive is divine.  

இன்னா செய்தாரை ஒருத்தல் அவர் நாண நன்னயம் செய்து விடல். 

Can we be really like this?  In today's world do we have the tendency to forgive and forget people who did bad to us?  For forgiving and forgetting we need to be more tolerant.  The tolerance level for today's generation is far less compared to the previous generation.  



After years of inability to accept  people who did bad to me or bad mouthed about me, I realised if I keep avoiding, I will end up having only few relationships.  For a person like me who love to be surrounded by friends and relatives, this character will not help.

When you want to get something, the subconsicous mind finds a way to take you there.  I have read this poem written by William Blake in school.  This is a refresher.

I was angry with my friend:

I told my wrath, my wrath did end.

I was angry with my foe:

I told it not, my wrath did grow...

Analysis about this poem varies from people to people.  Simple explanation is once you express your anger, it ends there and you don't carry it forward.   If not, you carry forward the wrath and lead to destruction of yourself and the foe. 

I tried expressing my point of view at the right time, to right people using right words.  I did homework before I told my anger.  Believe it worked and my circle of relation keeps increasing and I am happy about it.

Again remember right time, to right people with right words is most important otherwise again same cycle of hatred will continue.

Life beyond internet.

There is a saying in Tamil.  ஆடற காலும் பாடற வாயும் ஓயாது.  People who dance and sing cannot stop doing them.  The saying holds good for all professions.  To be more apt, I find it difficult to stop using internet.  Any queries, any doubts my fingers type google.com.

Doesn't it reduce the thinking power?  I remember I used to solve many puzzles in no time during my school days.  Now, I could not think beyond.  Thinking out of box just disappeared from the mind without my knowledge. 

How to make a crispy potato curry? Google it.  How to mend a worn out dress?  Google helps.  How to design your salwar?  Google shows.  My goodness how my mom survived without google.  Cann't imagine.

After realising the side effects, I decided not to use internet atleast during week ends.  I should cook on my own.  I should not see the youtube rhymes.  I should teach Kaarthik from books not from internet.  I did practice it.  Believe me it helps. 

It gave me confidence that I know something.  I can live without instahelp.  I could do a nice rangoli without searching the internet. Have to agree internet gives information the second you require it.  But definitely reduces thinking capacity and creativity. 

Moral of the story, use internet to showcase your creativity.

I don't know how long I can try my this.  Will the saying ஆடற காலும் பாடற வாயும் ஓயாது be true in my case too???

Smarter Kids..

Today kids are smart enough to decide their life.  Kaarthik already started thinking about his future.  He says he wants to own a car showroom.  I told him '' Kaarthik see you can own a showroom only when you  go to school and learn things".  He shoots back. 'Amma, they don't teach anything in school.  Everyday they ask me to say A, B, C, D.. and 1, 2, 3... which I already know.  So, you buy me cars, I will learn from home itself".  Fine now I said .. it okay da you go and learn writing.. he comes back and says 'I will get laptop and type.  I cannot write''  I could not argue further and forced him to school by few scoldings :(  We had to bribe him with a new bag  (of course the bag had McQueen..) dress and crayons to send him to school. 

I had the liberty to choose my dresses only when I was in College.. But Kaarthik is choosy about his dresses now itself.  You take him to a shop and he will give a comment.. Ámma veedu ogey patha design jeans than petundadu.. (Mom he has only old design jeans..).  He will wear only if he likes. I loved to see him in a Kurta and spent huge bugs to buy one.  That kurta is still sleeping in the wardrobe.  I feel I should have bought a nice chudi with that money..

Kaarthik makes sure each stuff he buys shows his personality.  All his shirts / pants either portray a car or Ben 10.  I don't know who this Ben 10 is.  He uses only Hot wheels Crayons and pencils.  Except for his school books everything else has cars cars cars and cars only

Viswanath encourages his craziness for cars and I am afraid of it. 

Million dollar question is if he is so particular about his choices at this age what he will do in future.. Will he be so specific in whatever he gets or he will go easy..  Time will tell.. But I am sure kids these days are born genius.. :)